Saving Your Marriage when You don’t feel like it!
Every couple goes through hard times…when the last thing you want to do is to remain together.
At these times, the thought of separation and of divorce can be so enticing, that saving your marriage might be the last thing on your mind.
But how do you keep going as a couple when the going gets tough? How can you weather these difficult times, and even come out stronger through them, thereby saving your marriage from being shipwrecked?
Click here for a Definitive Guide on Saving Your Marriage
The following 3 principles will help you get through these (inevitable) difficult times in your marriage.
Principle 1: Begin saving your marriage by asking yourself the right question
During difficult times in your marriage, don’t ask whether you still love your spouse: the answer to that question will be “no”. Otherwise they would not be difficult times! Instead, ask “am I going to keep my wedding vows?”. You remember, the ones you made to each other on your wedding day? Chances are you promised to remain with each other through the bad times, and not just the good. Will you keep those promises, whether or not you feel like it? Tough times are difficult, but they don’t have to last forever. If you whether the storm, you’ll most likely come through it, and will end up saving your marriage.
Principle 2: Remember the price of water
I once heard a saying: ‘The grass is greener on the other side: but the water bill is higher’. During difficult times in your marriage you might be tempted to see someone else: to have an affair, and leave your spouse for another man or woman. This new person may make you feel ‘alive’, in ways that your spouse doesn’t make you feel right now. The sex will probably be amazing – at least initially (but when has sex in an affair never been amazing?). And you might even leave your spouse for the new person. But in time, maybe after 2 years or so, the rush of hormones, the feelings that were there in the beginning, will start to dull. As hard as it is to believe, life with your newfound love will become normal: you’ll start to get annoyed at each other for things, just like you did with your old spouse. But there’s a bigger problem you’ll have to deal with: trust. Will you trust each other, knowing that your relationship began with deception and lies? How can you know that they won’t leave you for someone else? The grass might look greener on the other side: but the water bill is much, much higher. Saving your marriage is a much cheaper option than looking at the grass on the other side.
Principle 3: Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
Yeah, I know. It’s not what Hollywood tells you. You’re meant to live ‘happily ever after’ in a state of euphoric emotion, aren’t you? When did house chores, dirty nappies, and demanding in-laws come into the equation? I hate to break it to you: but love really is a choice, a decision: it involves sacrifice, and inconveniencing yourself for your spouse. It means putting their likes, their priorities ahead of your own. I know, I know, that sounds like suicide: I mean, after all, aren’t you the most important person in the world? Marketing hype (i.e. nonsense) aside, chances are that if you make the decision to sacrifice for your spouse, to actively ‘love’ them, the feelings will eventually come.
By keeping these 3 principles in mind, you’ll be able to weather the storms of difficult times in your marriage, and stay together even when you don’t feel like it. Saving your marriage is a decision you need to make. But chances are, the storm clouds will clear eventually: and then you’ll be glad that you stayed.